Spin, Spin, Sugar

So, I've been doing the South Beach Diet.

Before you laugh or cough or huff... let me explain that my decision to try it came from two specific reasons.

1. I'd been experiencing some very troubling and uncomforable digestion problems.

2. I was getting fat.

Honest to Christ, reason number one was initially the most important factor, and I truly told myself over and over again, "No reason to really lose weight, but let's find out what foods are making you sick. Let's just try this out, do the cleanse, and see if we can't get to the bottom of this problem. And if we drop a couple pounds, super!"

So I did PHASE ONE. For those of you who don't already know, PHASE ONE is a grueling 14 days that involves cutting out all starches, fruits and sugars (natural or not). That means no pasta, bread of any kind, rice, alcohol (that's right NONE), candy, chocolate... you get the point. Don't eat anything that makes you happy.

Unless broccoli makes you happy -- then you're laughing on this phase. You're also a filthy, dirty liar.

PHASE ONE was hard. But not as hard as I thought. CrowN and I went at each other pretty hard on occasion. Apparently lack of carbs and sugar makes you grouchy. But I lasted 14 days and cheated very rarely (a glass of red wine here, a bag of popcorn there) and guess what? My stomach problems were completely GONE. I was a little tired and grouchy the first week, but felt like a million bucks during week two.

And, I lost 10 lbs.

10 lbs in two weeks you ask? That's right. And suddenly, my reasons for doing the diet and sticking to the diet kinda changed. "Holy crap," I thought, "I'm thinner. My belly isn't bulging over pants. My belts are too big. Old clothes I've given up for good suddenly FIT AGAIN. A MIRACLE HAS HAPPENED!"

That's right. Now I'm obsessed.

I should have prefaced all this by saying that I'm not a heifer or anything. I'm 5'9" tall and BSBD (before South Beach Diet) weighed 153 lbs. That was heavier than I'd ever been in my life, but clearly in the perfectly healthy, safe weight range for a woman of my height and age. But seriously ya'll, who doesn't want to shed a couple pounds? What's that... you don't? You lie.

After PHASE ONE you're meant to move onto PHASE TWO. PHASE TWO seems like a dream world after PHASE ONE. I could have cereal (bran flakes, but still) for breakfast, fruit for snacks. The occasional slice of multi-grain bread or whole wheat pita. These things used to seem boring to me, suddenly they were HEAVEN! You're supposed to introduce one starch and one fruit a day and slowly work your way up to three of each per day. I lasted maybe a week like that, and then pretty much dove head first into PHASE THREE.

In a nutshell, PHASE THREE = normal healthy eating. Stay away from sugar. Go easy on the booze (beer is out, red wine is in). Always avoid white stuff (bread, rice, pasta). Compared to my life BSBD, it's a diet pure and simple. But I'm easily keeping off the weight I lost, and I don't feel like I'm suffering that much. More importantly (politically correct thing to say) my digestion troubles are gone. Until, that is, I slip and eat something really sugary.

Seems sugar - my old best buddy, my confident, my drug of choice - was in fact what was making me sick. Just like any drug, I guess. Only this one is so sweet... so simple to get... so... so... I need chocolate right now.

That's my story. I'm sticking to the SBD in it's simplest phase for now. Considering another round of PHASE ONE after the holidays. I really enjoy it to be honest. It's not just a challenge but I also really feel better about myself... and about my ass.

Let's talk about my ass, or asses in general, next time. Check back in for Bootylicious, coming soon.