Bootylicious

I like big butts and I can not lie.

Ok, I'm lying. A little bit. Because I don't like huge butts that are all jiggly and cottage-cheesey and mishapen. Does anyone really? I mean other than those weirdos who are into fat-chick pornos? No.

But the fact of the matter is, I do like a round, firm-yet-voluptuous bum, particularly on women.

(Sorry all you gotta-great-butt-guys, but when it comes to men I'm an eye-girl first and foremost. Hmmm... and abs... but I digress.)

I'm sure that my recent appreciation for booty is considerably due to the recent emergance of it's popularity in the entertainment industy, fashion world and other forms of mainstream media. Let's face it, a flat ass is on the outs.

Like it or not, everything that we like or dislike is influenced to some degree by the millions of messages, conscious or unconcious, that we are bombarded with every day. I don't care how subversive or cynical or "underground" you think you are. The messages are playing tricks on you, my friend.

Butt implants! A popular plastic surgery proceedure. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does.

I definitely have not always loved a big bum. In fact, I clearly remember the year that my own ample butt popped out of my twig-like pre-pubescent body. I was mortified.

Commie still likes to bring up the famous line that burst out of my 13-or-14-year-old mouth one day as I was checking myself out in the hallway mirror: "My ASS sticks out the fucking MOON!"

I probably weighed in at like a whopping 80 lbs or so at that time, so naturally he told me that I was being ridiculous, which of course I was. But my big ass had arrived and from that day forward my ass and I have been living the classic love/hate relationship.

Hate it when I'm trying on jeans, love it when it's adding some 'oomph' to a cute pair of lacy boy-cut panties.

What's the point of all this ass-talk you might ask? Basically I just think that when any woman -- short, tall, thin, fat, big-assed or small -- learns to love a part of their body, it's a big deal. It's a reason to celebrate. It's something we should talk about.

If you don't get that... then I'm sorry... but you ain't ready for this jelly.