Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 1 Year Old

[Author's note: This post was written in real time using my iPhone note pad on Sept. 20, 2013, a few minutes before Everley's first birthday and my 38th. I don't know why it's taken me so long to post it other than for a long time I wanted to write something different. Something longer maybe? More thought out? But in the end I like the spontaneity of this letter. To me it says everything that needs to be said.] 

Dear Everley, 



It's 11:40pm and you should be sound asleep but instead -- despite my best efforts to comfort you for the last 45 minutes -- you've been tossing around and crying out. In pain? In fear? From pure exhaustion? I don't know. I don't know why but I do know this, exactly one year ago today I was doing the exact same thing. In pain, in fear, from pure exhaustion. But in my case also with excitement and with joy. 



Because you were on your way.


At 12:35am you arrived. And the relief I felt was instantaneous (at least until the stitching began). You were here. You were safe. You were beautiful. You were mine.

Cakestash!

365 days later and I know I'm utterly blessed to be able to say the same. You are here, you are safe, you are beautiful, you are mine. And I am yours. Completely.

Please let me never forget these tiny toes.

I want to talk about this year. This crazy year we have had, you and I, but as I sit awake in my bed and listen to you cry from two rooms away, I just can't seem to find the words. Because what are the words that you use to describe the type of connection that you have with someone you have fed, nurtured, rocked, taught, played with, cried with, cleaned, soothed, held, moulded, laughed with, screamed at, snuggled, warmed, cooled, rocked, kissed and hugged and kissed some more? Every day. Every single day, 24 hours a day, for 365 days. How do you describe that with words? You don't.




So I won't try. Instead I'll say this. Happy birthday Everley Read, my soul sister, sharer of birthdays and bringer of joy. I wish you would stop crying now. But if you can't, you know I will come to you, as I have every day for the past 365 days, and do my best to make it right.

Sharers of birthdays.

No matter what and forever and ever.



I love you,

Mommy

Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 11 Months Old

Dear Everley,



You'll be 11 months old for about, oh, three more hours. I'm squeaking this one in just under the wire and as such we're going to let the photos do the talking. I will just say this, we spent a lot of your 11th month in Ipperwash, basking in the sunshine with family and friends. It was a glorious month. The kind of summer that in my dreams we would enjoy every year. It was so special and so precious to me. I hope that you'll remember it just as fondly when you look back at this one day.

We also monkeyed around on the swings.

And took a speed boat ride around Lake Rosseau. 

But mostly we lazed on the beach and took in the view.

Did some digging with Uncle Matt.

And explored the sand (and ate the sand).

And also, there were naps. Such glorious, warm, summertime naps.

 I love you,



Mommy

Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 10 Months Old

Dear Everley,



On July 21 you turned 10 months old. I haven't been keeping up with these monthly posts. Obviously you've got the big bday fast approaching (omg tomorrow!) and I'm almost three months behind and that sucks the big one but here's the truth of it - it's not because we've been too busy, though we have been making the most of our precious summer together. And it's not that I am just lazy, though I've definitely put off writing these in favour of simply lying with you on the living room floor and watching you grow and learn and well, just be your beautiful baby self.

No, the truth of it is this - I just have not been able to face it, this passing of time. Though I love and cherish these monthly letters - and I WILL complete them all because you deserve to have this record of your infancy and of our magical year together - they are such a physical and emotional reminder of the damned ticking clock. TICK, TICK, tick, tick... SHUT UP CLOCK. (ticktickticktick)

I want to be witty and funny and clever with these letters to you so you'll look back one day and be all, "Wow, Mom wasn't always such a washed up emotional disaster after all. She was kind of cool and hilarious..." but Everley Read YOU HAVE STOLEN ALL OF MY FUNNY. Seriously. YOU are funny. You are such a clown and so delightful but I'm pretty, pretty certain you got it all from me. And left me with NO MORE FUNNINESS.

Here you are being hilarious. Also, STANDING UP!

 I sit down to write to you and all I want to do is get weepy and philosophical about how special our bond is (very, very) and how much you've changed my life (beyond what words can describe) and how our family - immediate and extended - are so bloody in love with you (read: obsessed) and while it's all true, every word of it, it's not exactly going to illicit a chuckle in 20 years time is it?

So instead, I haven't been writing. And that's not fair. Now I have to catch up and I promise I'm going to do it. All you need to do in return is promise that in 20 years you'll at least pretend that you think I'm cool and hilarious.

Daddy is also cool and hilarious.

Here's a speed round up of the incredible things you mastered between nine and 10 months:

You gave up your arm-pull-toe-push military drag in favour of a classic hands and knees crawl, which you can do at super turbo speed. You started pulled yourself up to standing and within days were cruising around furniture like it ain't no thang.You started clapping and other cute mimicking behaviours. You got your first professional haircut, survived your first heatwave, enjoyed your first shoulder ride (on daddy) and had your first full day at the beach in Ipperwash complete with swimming. You finally cut that top tooth, which was a pain in both your butt and mine and your little three toothed smile was hilarious and infectious.

Beach, bucket, boat, baby.

I love you,



Mommy

Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 9 Months Old

Dear Everley,



I've been thinking a lot about how quickly you are growing. It all seems to be happening so fast now. On June 21 you turned nine months old.  I always feel that nine months is a particularly significant age for a baby because it's when you have been on the outside for as long as you were on the inside. It will never ever cease to amaze me that you once fit so perfectly inside my body. INSIDE. MY. BODY. You fit. It's remarkable. And what's even more remarkable than how you once fit IN me, is how you now fit so perfectly OUT of me.

 

There's something so special about the way your little body fits right onto mine like jigsaw puzzle. When you were a newborn your head would rest in the palm of my hand while your tiny feet curled up in the crook of my elbow. Or you would lie on your tummy across my lap while I gently rocked you back and forth, the fit so perfect that there was no fear that you could fall.

 

Before long you were able to lie lengthwise in my lap, little smiling face beaming up at me from my knees while your scrumptious feet would gently knead my soft postpartum belly. Before I knew it you were sitting on my hip. Is there anything better? Anything in the world better than a baby on your hip? I still get an absolute surge of joy when I pick you up and you snap right onto me with your chubby legs around my waste and sausage arms tight around my neck.

SAUSAGE ARMS!!

And how is possible that when you were one hour old, one month old, half a year, nine months -- you always fit just perfectly against my body when you nurse? Head tucked into the crook of my arm, back snug against my inner forearm and little diapered bum tucked perfectly into my hand. It's almost as if I'm growing right along with you. And there it is, isn't it? Because of course, the truth is, I am. We all are - your dad and sister and me. Not only are you the perfect fit physically, but metaphysically as well.



You fit us, Everley Read. You're a perfect fit.

I love you,

Mommy

Happy Birthday To You: Everley Edition: 8 Months Old

Dear Everley,



A month ago you turned eight months old. So here's how it's going to be from now on. I will always be one full month late getting your birthday posts written and I will always be one hour late for absolutely everything else in my life. Let's accept it, deal with it, move on.

Let's see. The weeks between seven and eight months were packed with a lot of firsts. Here's a run down:

1. First teeth! OMG cutest little teeth ever. The two on the bottom. They came in together on the same day and took about a week to really poke through. So far, no more to speak of but I'm totally fine with that because those little razors hurt and you're a biter. 

2. Sitting up on your own! Yay! You really hate being confined to any sort of baby-wrangling contraption (except the Jolly Jumper and the stroller both of which you still love) so the fact that you can now sit up unassisted is helpful because I can plunk you down where ever and you're happy because you don't have to lie still. Not that you ever lie still. Ever.

Sitting!

Sitting skills also makes bath time easier and more fun. Splashing is also a fav pastime.

3. "Crawling" everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I call it crawling but it's not really, it's more of an army-style, military drag using your left arm to pull yourself and your right big toe to push yourself. Arm, toe, arm, toe. It's as adorable as it sounds and surprisingly efficient.

You need to work on not getting stuck under ALL THE FURNITURE. But I'm sure that's coming soon.

4. Obsession: magazines! You can't get enough. You will bee line all the way across the room, though a virtual obstacle course of baby toys, just to get to my stack of magazines. You know I don't want you to have them, but you can't resist them. I understand, I have a magazine addiction myself. But I do think you need to stop eating them.

5. First swing! So fun. Your big sis hated the swings until she was... well, until about six months ago. She refused to swing! This made visits to the park almost unbearable because really? What's a parent supposed to do at the park if not push the swing? Stand there and watch the kids go up and down the same stupid slide for three hours? Kill me. Swinging is where it's at and thankfully you love it. Small mercies.

First swing!

Aside from all of these milestoney-type things, which are fascinating and exciting for me but probably a full-on snore fest for anyone else, we just had a really fun time this month. You've hit optimal baby age, in my opinion. You're funny, you're entertaining, you've got personality for days. It's a very good thing because you and I spend A LOT of time together. A LOT OF TIME ALL THE TIME SO MUCH TIME 24/7 ALWAYS. You're my little shadow and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Oh I got tricks in store."

Can't wait to see what tricks and treats are in store for us next (LOL that's funny because I already know! Because this post is a month late! I bet the suspense is killing you! Or not, whatevs, see you in a month).

"But wait! What happens next month? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT MONTH??!!"

I love you!

Mommy 

Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 7 Months Old

Dear Everley,



Hello there honey child. On April 21 you turned seven months old. I don't have a whole lot to say about your development in the weeks between six and seven months, except that you are moving right along hitting your milestones and having fun doing so, but I will report that I continue to be absolutely obsessed with you.

Teething is coming along just fine as evidenced by your refusal to remove this card from your mouth.

Seriously, one day I hope you'll read this and when you do I want you to know that I'm not sure anyone has ever made me feel utter joy the way that you do. I feel guilty putting this down in words because obviously you have a big sister and I can't possibly minimize how incredibly happy she makes me. She, who has literally changed the very fiber of my being. When Anabella was born she completed me.

Full of joy even though you are literally biting off my face.

You? You lift me up; you get under my skin and float me up onto a cloud happiness that hovers just above anything else that is going on in that moment. The feeling that I get when you smile at me? I can't. I can't explain it. It's pure, flawless, spectacular joy like I've never felt before.

I love this photo because it's so rare to see you sad. That one little tear lasted just a moment before you were happily giggling away at your sister and I again.

Where your sister challenges me to be a better person, a smarter, more patient, more inquisitive person - she's my little sage, my life coach, my professor - you are showing me how to laugh with abandon, how to let go of my worries and find a peaceful place of yummy delight regardless of what's going on around us or what daily stresses might be dancing around in my head.

You make me want to stop whatever obsessive cleaning and organizing I'm up to, throw my hair in pigtails and dance with you around the house. We do it every day with abandon and I will miss it so when you're too big to want to anymore.

Your Daddy calls you Sparkle and that is it exactly. That's exactly what you do and who you are. You are Sparkle.



My amazing little Buddha-baby, my bringer of giggles and lover of life.

I love you so much,

 

 Mommy

Happy Birthday To You: Everley Edition: 6 Months Old

Author's note: Everley turns seven months old today, making this the latest birthday letter I've ever written. So that's something. Anyway, here's her six month letter. Seven month photos and post to come... soonish?

Dear Everley,

My smiling buddha babe. 

On March 21 you turned 6 months old and excuse me but could you get ANY cuter? I mean, girlfriend, you are just so fucking cute. Pardon my French but I need to really express the level of cuteness here and sometimes you just need a good strong swear word to do that. Cute, cute, cute. I'm obsessed with you.

The weeks between five and six months were kind of a big deal. I mean, hello, solid food? Nailed it. Rolling across the room? Doing it all the time. Jolly Jumper domination? Boom.

You especially love to eat, as evidenced by the fact that though I only intended to feed you once a day until you turned six months, you went rabid for solids and ended up eating three squares within two weeks of starting. So here we are. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Fruits, veggies, meats, oatmeal, formula and of course ample amounts of good old fashioned breast milk. You devour it all. Might explain why at your six month check up you weighed in at a whopping 18lbs, 10oz.

Big and hungry.

But back to the cute thing because I need to harp in this a bit more. Everley, you literally glow with happiness. I don't think there have been too many moments where I can't make you smile or laugh just by looking at you. Even when you're at your most distraught I can make you laugh just by flashing you a grin. Because baby girl, you are full of joy. Big and bursting with joy, my smiling Buddha baby. 

This joy of yours? It's exactly, EXACTLY, what our family needed. Not to say we weren't joyful before you - we were - but the three of us older Champagnes also tend to lean toward the serious. We are funny, but its a dry funny. We can be silly, but its not our most natural instinct. We are all somewhat reserved, contemplative, dare I say moody. We needed your light, your sparkle, you. We needed you.

Girlfriend is rockin' this ponytail out. 

Happy half-year my Buddha. 

I love you, 

Mommy

Happy Birthday to You: 5 Years Old

Dear Anabella,

On January 30 you turned five years old.

Birthday girl at her PJ party.

Wow.

I mean where do I even begin? Other than to point out that this year has been huge, HUGE I SAY! I guess I can start with a quick run through of just a few of the tiny little life events that you have experienced this past year:

January 2012: You turn four years old
March 2012: You learn that in about 6 months time you will become a big sister
July 2012: You say good-bye to your second home, your second family, at Downtown Kids Academy and start at a brand-new daycare at the school next door
July 2012: We lose our beloved Moet, your furry pal and someone who has been a big part of your life since the day you arrived
September 2012: You start Junior Kindergarten
September 2012: Your baby sister arrives
October 2012 through January 2013: You learn to live with a whole new person in our house and in our hearts

January 30, 2013, you turn 5 years old.

Yeah. So just a few life-altering, gigantic, massive, confusing, disruptive, exciting, devastating, mind-blowing adjustments. Just a few.

Putting myself in the picture. In a bathing suit. At 8 months pregnant. Eat your heart out, Allison Tate.

And I have to tell you Bella, that although there have been some obvious emotional hurdles to leap, not just for you but for all of us, you are leaping them with as much grace and confidence and style and humour and intellegence that I could have possibly hoped a little four (almost five) year old kid could leap with. I hope you know that your dad and I are accutely aware of how huge this year has been for you. How hard it has been at times. And how obnoxiously proud we are of you for how you are handling it all.

Pre-school prom day and last week at Downtown Kids Academy.

First day of JK.

Despite the rollercoaster of a year you have endured, you have still blossomed. I don't know if it's just my perspective because we have a true baby in the house again but you have shed the last of your babyness this year. You have stretched tall and ironed out the double wrists and pot belly. Your face is changing by the day and your legs are long and coltish. I know you are still getting used to your new, long, lean body but I love to watch you use it. When you dance. When you stretch out like a lazy teenager on the couch, all draping limbs and rolling eyes. When you demonstrate the yoga moves you've learned at school or hop awkwardly around the dining room table. I marvel at this body you have now. How can it be the same one that I gathered in my arms and fed from my body just a handful of short years ago? I want you to always take care of it, respect it and always insist that others respect it too.

Spring, 2012. See that belly and those baby wrists? All gone.

But more of a marvel is the development of your mind. My God are you smart. This year you learned to read and write. Just like that you can do it now. I don't even know how it happened, except one day you were writing your name, and then you were writing my name, and then you were writing sentences and spelling words on command and asking questions, questions always with the questions. Never stop asking questions, they are your key to true success in this world.

Big sister.

And yet, despite all the growing and maturing you have done this year, you are still so little. You are my little girl and at times I have to stop and remind myself of this simple yet beautiful fact.  You are small, you are sensitive and you are hungry for the attention that until just six months ago you had all to yourself. I get it sweet baby girl. I really do. And I am trying so hard to give it to you. It's true that I'm tired and busy with the baby and that sometimes it's a struggle to give you 100 per cent but I want you to know that you are and always will be my lady, my first, my heart and my soul.

My heart and soul.

Sometimes I look at you in a moment of calm, when the light is just right and the family is at peace and I can see both the baby you once were and the woman you'll one day become. In those fleeting moments it's clear that we have done a good job, your father and I. Us and all the other villagers that are helping to raise you and to teach you. You're a good girl, Anabella. You are perfect.

When the light is just right.

I love you so much.

You are so beautiful.

Mommy