Happy Birthday to You: Everley Edition: 5 Months Old

Author's Note: OMG I'm so behind on posting and I'm feeling so guilty about it, especially about not having posted about my big girl turning five years old - which happened. She turned five years old. Five. Years. Old. And I will be posting about that soon, even if it's mostly pictures because for some reason I can't seem to find the time to sit here and actually write. And that reason quite frankly is you, my little Everley. That reason is you.

Dear Everley,

Eating everything all the time.

 On February 21 you turned five months old. And just as a fair warning to anyone who might take issue, this will be a post whereby I compare my fresh little newbornish baby to the stinky, snorty late family dog. Because particularly after your fourth month I'm convinced that you are at least partially Moet reincarnated. Here are five reasons why:

1. How You React When You are Excited
It's very easy to get you excited. Basically all one needs to do is a) walk into the same room as you, b) look at you, c) speak. When any one of these three things occur you get very wiggly, you exhibit excessive panting and your eyes light up like firecrackers on Victoria Day. It's pretty much the exact same reaction that Moet had due to the exact same stimuli. If you had a little curly tail, I'm pretty sure it would be wagging right now.

SUPER EXCITED FACE!

2. Your Eyebrows
If you knew Moet, or you know pugs, you'll know that they have these cute little dots for eyebrows, hovering excitedly just over those big brown eyes. Moet was always very expressive with his dot-brows, if he anticipated something he'd sit, frozen, not moving a muscle, and just raise one little dot, or furrow the two together just slightly. These tiny movements spoke volumes and always made me laugh. You do the same thing. Exactly the same thing with your eyebrows (which are growing in very nicely this month, btw). 

See those little brows just peeking up over the card? They are saying, feed me soon or I'll start scratching on stuff.

3. The Scratching
Lordy, my Lord the scratching! This is what clued me in to the fact that you are part Moet. One of Moet's most hilarious (and infuriating) habits was to scratch on walls, doors or floors when he wanted something. He used it as a threat, one paw hovering near a surface while he stared you down for a moment and raised an eyebrow,  "You gonna move, lady? 'Cause I'm about to scratch the shit out of this wall if you don't get your ass up and feed me." This ruined a lot of walls and caused a lot of laughs. You do the same thing. You scratch the wall while on your change table, the sheets in your crib, my chest while you are nursing. Scratch, scratch, scratch, little deliberate movements that say, "Pay attention to me, please, or I will claw you up until you do."

4. Your Appetite
Just like Moet was, you are insatiable. You love to eat. You would eat all day long if I let you. This month we are still exclusively on breast milk but solids are in your very near future because I can't keep up with you anymore. I can't wait to introduce you to the world of food and I know you are going to love it. Just promise me you will always stay away from the wild mushrooms. 

5. General Disposition, Attitude and Unconditional Lovemuffinness
You are my ever loyal companion. You are such a joy. All you want from anyone is a smile and a pat. You love to be scratched and tickled. You are happiest when I'm sitting with you, singing or chatting or cuddling. This month we had our first family vacation with you in tow and you are an excellent travel companion. Easy going, adaptable and curious, you just wanted to be held and fed (see above: Your Appetite). Moet didn't get the chance to travel much, but he loved the car and would settle in and relax whenever we hit the road.

Maxin' and relaxin' in Playa.

 I'm sad that you will not get to meet him, but feel blessed that you are just a little bit like him.

Being just a little bit Moet-like with the eating and the eyebrows.

I love you,

Mommy

Happy Birthday To You: Everley Edition: 4 Months Old

Dear Everley,

Oh HI!

On Monday January 21 you turned four months old. There's been a lot going on this past month for you and we've been keeping super busy. In fact, I'm super busy right now preparing for your sister's fifth birthday party. Did you hear that? That loud boom? That was my head exploding into five million pieces, one million for every year that your sister has now been alive.

Boom.

But this is about you, so in a very rushed and lazy fashion, here's your four month round up:

I'ma take some notes - hit me with it.

This month you:

• Celebrated your first Christmas. Major cuteness ensued.
• Rolled over for the first time. Front to back. So agile! 
• Started teething. Pretty sure. Mucho drooling and finger chomping (your own, or any other finger that finds itself near your face). No teeth yet.
• Have really fallen head over heels for your big sister. You will crane your head 'til it just about falls off when you hear her voice and LOVE when she reads to you, plays with you, mauls you like a lion. 
• Fattened waaaaay up. New nickname: ChubbChubb. 15 lbs, 12oz at your four month check up.
• Four month sleep regression? Check. You still go to bed very late, between 10pm - 12am but you are no longer sleeping 10 hours straight. You're more likely to put in about 9 hours with at least one wake up sometime early in the morning. 
• Naps? Sporadic at best. Zero schedule. 
• You love being outside and in the stroller or car seat in general. 
• You love baths.
• You continue to barf on me about three thousand times a day. 
• You are a happy, smilely, giggly baby as long as someone is paying attention to you. You are so adorable. 
• God forbid we stop looking at you or put you down for five minutes. You are a monster. 
• You are Active with a capital A. Always squirming, always wanting to stand up, kicks, punches and other sweet baby martial arts manuevers. 
• This month you also started to grab at things. Like my hair, my face, my necklaces, my shirt, my hair, did I mention my hair?
• You still hate soothers, all soothers, STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME SOOTHERS, MOTHER. 

And what about you Mom, how are you?

OH and me? Well I'm just great, thank you for asking. I have about 5 lbs of baby weight left to lose. Okay, fine it's just plain old weight, nothing baby about it. I ate a LOT of ice cream this summer. A LOT. I wish I'd gotten it all off in time for our vacation to Mexico next week, but I am proud of myself for losing almost 40 lbs in four months. And that includes the holidays. Pretty sure I'll drop at least another pound in hair alone because I am currently going bald. Thanks a lot estrogen depletion.

I think that I have finally gotten through the mild to moderate baby blues and postpartum anxiety that I definitely suffered from this time around. I almost never cry myself to sleep anymore! No but seriously, that sucked. Generally I feel pretty great. Getting out and about helps a lot. I adore hanging with my peeps who are also on mat leave this year. I'm so blessed to have such lovely women and babies to surround myself with.

Is she still going on about herself right now? Let's bring it back to me...

Most of all, I have fallen for you hard Everley Read. I have fallen for you really hard. You are such a sparkle, such a light, such a glowing little package of wonder and love. I'm honoured and thrilled to be your right-hand this year as you are learning life. Life! It's an amazing thing to see someone learn how to do it. I hope one day you'll read this and understand that you are teaching me every bit as much as I am you.

Um? Kind of over it, can we wrap?

I love you,

Mommy

Happy Birthday To You: 6 Months Old

Dear Anabella,

Today you turned 6 months old and maybe it's the rain or maybe it's hormones or maybe it's just because I'm so in love with little tiny you, but when I think about it I can't control the tears.

This month you have become the most incredible little person. I simply can not get over how in such a short amount of time you have changed from being just a little breathing, crying bundle of flesh into this amazing, funny, intelligent, beautiful little girl. And you are becoming more and more person-like every day.

Some of my favourite developments this month have been your new sounds: b-b-b-b-b-BA, and the quiet pah-pah-pah-pah that you make with your lips. I love how excited you get when I make those sounds along with you. Your eyes just light up as if to say, "You understand me!" And I know, I know little girl that you want to communicate so badly. Don't worry Baby, I do understand. Finally I understand almost everything about you and MY LORD how much easier that has made things. How much more interesting, if no less challenging.

You love it when I sing. OH MY GOD I have created someone who loves it when I sing! How could The Universe be so kind?! When Daddy leaves for work and you and I dance around the living room and sing along to all the cheesy songs that he makes fun of on my iPod my heart is HUGE with happiness. You squeal and babble along with me, your sparkling eyes saying, "More Mommy, sing some more!" We do this until your eyes start to roll back in your head and your tiny fists start to rub at them and then I understand. And off you go to nap.


That's right, I said NAP. You are doing it! Three times a day and almost regularly now. I have gotten so used to you not napping that now when you sleep for more than an hour I start to miss you and look forward to when you will wake up so we can play some more. Anabella you are such a joy.

We went to the doctor this week and you weigh 15 lbs, 10 oz. You are 26.5 inches long. You are not a huge baby by any means but you are very strong and sturdy. You love to Stand! Up! All! The! Time! You can roll over front to back and vice versa, but you almost never do it. You are content stay still, playing with your feet and hands for long periods. You are so fascinated with those tiny feet and hands. You are still not crazy about being on your tummy, but you'll tolerate it now, especially if Moet is around. You will wriggle and push your self in circles to try to follow him and grab him. This month you have fallen in love with Moet. I knew you would.

This month you have also fallen madly in love with Daddy. As soon as you hear his voice you start looking for him and when you see him the smile that takes over your face is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You think he is the funniest and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard as the rest of us to make you laugh. You look so much like him, especially when it comes to your expressions and I think that you are going to be like him in many ways. I hope that you will have his creative and artistic talents and his passion for music. I already know that you are bright and quick and funny like he is.


I'm pretty sure that you have inherited my caution towards life, especially when it comes to meeting new people. You always grow very serious around a new face and require several minutes of staring and sizing them up before you make your decision to like them or not. I don't think this is necessarily a bad trait, as long as you learn to at least give everyone a fair chance at first. Don't be too quick to judge but definitely always follow your instincts. If they are in fact like mine, they will usually be right. And Baby? Please don't let your need to play it safe hold you back from pursuing your dreams. Sometimes you'll need to take chances. I know first-hand how hard it can be. But sometimes the risks are worth it and without them your life will not be a full as it should.

This month you started sleeping in your own room and while you still don't make it all the way through the night, every now and then you will sleep straight though. I wake up anyway and miss you. But I am so proud of you. You are independent, you are confident, you are trusting and you are secure. It's everything that I want for you and already, in just six months, you have it.

Last but not least. THE BEST part of this month has been starting you on solid food. Because you are part me and part Dad I never doubted that you would LOVE to eat. From your very first mouth full you took to eating like a little champion. You get very serious about it and sit quietly, mouth open, waiting for the next spoon full. If I take to long, you tell me about it with a grunt or by banging your fists on the tray. You probably get this behaviour from your father. Heh.

You love brown rice cereal, carrots, apples and pears. Avocado? Not so much (see photo). I love feeding you. I. Love. It. I have even made all your food myself. And anyone who knows me will understand that this is nothing less than a small miracle. But after feeding you with my body for all these months, somehow it seems wrong to all of a sudden turn the task over to little glass jars picked up off the supermarket shelf. Don't get me wrong, we will be using jars now and then, probably as soon as next week when we are at the cottage, but I promise to try to give you the healthiest, best start possible and for us that means breast milk and homemade food as often as we can.


I should note that you are now drinking formula at dinner time and you love it. I love that you love it, not because I don't enjoy nursing you (I do, so much more than I ever thought I would) but because I want you to be flexible. That will allow our whole family to be more flexible. And that will make for a happier, more relaxed life for all of us. Besides, that which I am unable to speak of without panic and pain (my return to work) is coming up much faster than I can believe. By then you must be fully weaned and while the thought of that breaks a sliver off of my heart, I want to do what's best for you and for me. And so it's best that we start now.

Although half of my mat leave is over, I'm trying very hard to see the glass as still half full. We have some amazing months ahead of us Bella. Let's make the most of it together. I don't know how I'm going to leave you, I really don't. But we'll save that discussion for another day because today is a celebration.

Half a year already. My baby, my love, my beautiful girl. Happy half-birthday.

Mommy.

Happy Birthday To You: 5 Months Old

So this is a little late, considering that she's going to be 6 months old in a couple of days, but to make up for my tardiness, I'm giving you her "5 month" photo in video format. This way you can see what really happens when I try to take the monthly photographs. Notice the ample coaxing involved, in this case by multiple people. Notice also that the first thing she does is shove the card into her mouth, even though it has just being lying on the dog-hair covered floor of the cottage for a few days. Finally, notice that when she's holding the card up it is always covering her face and when she is holding it down it's always so that you can't see what's on it. It really is quite an ordeal but I'm loving the results regardless of how hard they are to come by. Thanks again Auntie Scarb for passing along this awesome tradition to us!

The Greatest Love Of All

Today is a big day.

Approximately once a month (okay maybe twice a month) since I gave birth I have reached into the depths of my closet and pulled out my favourite pair of Seven for All Man Kind jeans. And every month since I gave birth, this event has ended with me throwing said jeans across the room and falling in a crumpled ball of tears and agony onto my bedroom floor and then moping around the house for the rest of the day, until in utter frustration and dismay I finally reach into the freezer and polish off the tub of Chapman's Dutch Chocolate frozen yogurt that is always there "in case of emergency."

That is until today! Today I decided to try them out again and this time, not only did they not get stuck half way up my thighs as per usual, but they slid right on and zipped up with ease! And I'm talking WITHOUT the help of my Spanx. They are on RIGHT NOW and I'm never taking them off ever ever ever again. They are snug, don't get me wrong. They make my ass look like a Mack Truck. But they are on and I love them and it is the second greatest day of my entire life.

The first greatest day? Of course it was the day that my daughter was born. Mostly because it meant I wasn't pregnant any more.

Hungry Eyes

I know I'm over-compensating for my lack of writing with videos. I am aware. But it's just so HARD to find the time, and the brain power, to write anything that comes anywhere close to being as cute or as funny or as entertaining as this:



It's Bella's first "real" food meal. If you can call organic brown rice cereal watered down with a heavy helping of formula "real food." Incidentally, also her first taste of formula. She's been kept alive by 100% boob until this morning. Isn't that amazing? She ate her first meal like a champ - didn't even get very messy. What can I say? It's in her genes (the appetite and the cleanliness). I happen to think a lot of our success had to do with the pink spoon, but maybe that's just me?

If You are Happy and You Know It: V2

Bella laughing at Mommy and Sophie the Giraffe; a.k.a., the sweetest sound on earth.

If You're Itchy and You Know It...

Teething much?

Since You've Been Gone

Yeah, okay, it's me whose been gone. This song title crap I've gotten myself into means I need to take a little poetic license now and then. Bare with me.

Bella and I just returned from two weeks at the cottage. While we were gone my baby turned five months old. I do not think that it's over-dramatizing things by saying that these past two weeks have been like a dream come true for me. For many years now I have longed for the summer that I am living right now. At home with my beautiful baby, all the time in the world to make the most of hot lazy days. And these past two weeks did not disappoint. It was the perfect blend of family time, visits with friends and alone time for me and Bella.

I think that my daughter and I learned a lot about each other these past couple weeks. Without the distractions of city life and daily household chores. Without the hurried evenings of trying to juggle the gym, dinner, phone calls, visits from people, etc., Bella and I were able to just be. Just be together. It was precious and I did not take a single moment of it for granted.

You see, this past month my sweet babe has really discovered her independence. She has started to push me away just a little bit instead of always snuggling in close. Her feedings have become a little more of a struggle, as she now realizes that there is more to the world than just Mommy. Instead of simply settling in and only having eyes for me as she eats, she cranes her head around at random voices and sounds. She loses patience and pulls away from me as if to say, "I'm hungry, yes, but this whole 'facing in' business is really becoming a drag."

Rather than wanting to be in my arms at all times, she often prefers to be left alone. Even at bedtime. She strains and writhes in my arms, fussing and crying until I give in and lay her down alone, with only her blankie and her Blabla, her new security items, which have replaced my own arms and heartbeat as her favourite way to be soothed.

While I know that this independence is something to be very proud of, it means that my daughter is secure and well adjusted and that her father and I are doing a good job, I can't help but let it tear away at my heartstrings. It is just going by so fast and, as Crown said to me last night, "Before you know it she'll be off to college." Gulp.

Another sign of her new-found independence (or maybe I should say mine?) is that since we returned to the city Bella has been sleeping in her own room. I know that for many people, five months is rather late to make this transition, but for me it's come up much too fast. I know that she has been ready for some time now and that it's me who wasn't ready. And you know what? I'm still not. But I do think that it's the right decision and she has taken to it like nobody's business. Sunday was the first night since the day she was born that I slept in a room without her. It was hard and I hated it but at the same time I am just so proud of my little person.

There are a million other "firsts" that have happened this past month, below are some photos to hold you over until I get around to posting her "five month" photo and update:

The art of toe sucking:


The art of sun-bathing:


The art of sharing a narrow lounger with another squirming infant (in this case, her BFF Livvie):


And last but not least, her very first swim (yes, I was a little more into it than she was):

Talk

Bella and I are heading up to the cottage for a couple of weeks and, because the internet connection is so slow up there that I'd rather stick hot forks in my eyes than try to access it, I'm leaving you all with something cute that you can watch over and over again until we get back.

Heh. Okay, I'm the only one that can watch it over and over again. I know, I know.

Regardless, here's my girl chatting up a storm and busting a seriously dope Happy Baby pose (though my yoga muse Shanti might call her out for grabbing the jammies instead of the foot). Still, this kid's a yoga master in the making.

Foot grabbing and gurgling are current favourite pass times. Life should be so simple for us all.

Jump!

Bella's new favourite hobby. Also, the easiest way to find time to fold the laundry. Enjoy!

Singing in the Rain

"When it rains, it pours."

It's an expression that all new moms are not only aware of, they are SO aware of it that they know better than to ever leave the house without an umbrella.

Or so you would think. But guess what? Yesterday I joyfully packed up my daughter and headed out into the sunshine without mine.

Allow me for a moment to set the stage.

It had already been one of "those" weekends. The kind that starts out pretty good - a Friday night out with my husband, sans baby; she was comfortably asleep at home with Nana and Papa. A few hours spent with friends at a house party, sipping cocktails and feeling like a grown up. Lovely.

The fun night was soon followed up on Saturday morning with me feeling less than great. I initially blame the vodka only to discover later in the day that the culprit is in fact my period, which has decided to arrive with a vengeance for the first time in over a year. Well, that explains the nausea, fatigue and compulsive cleaning. Great. Now add cramps, blood and crankiness to the list and you can see that the weekend is headed downhill. Fast.

Flash ahead to Sunday. It's another beautiful day and despite the fact that I still feel like ass, I decide to make the most of it and head outside with the fam to meet up with GParty and The Suze for a quick walk around the local farmers market. It's just down the street so I assume we'll be out for an hour tops. It's morning. I think nothing of the sun since we'll be home before heading out for the afternoon, plenty of time to lather on the sunscreen at that time. Flash forward again. It's 4pm, we've been out walking all day without going home. Crown and I are burnt. To a crisp. I can handle the mild sunstroke and the sting, but the tan lines that I now have to deal with for the rest of the summer? Unacceptable.

Now it's Monday morning and I've carefully packed up the baggage from the weekend and stowed it away. We're starting fresh, it's a beautiful day and Bella and I have a date with StrollerFit. We're up early! We're both in good moods! This is where I start to slip and make the first of several mistakes.

Cocky New Mom Mistake #1:
StrollerFit is only a five minute walk from my house. There is no need to lug a bulky diaper bag with me. We'll be home in two hours anyway.

Cocky New Mom Mistake #2:
Bella doesn't usually poop until way later in the afternoon, no need to bring an extra diaper along. If anything happens, she can wait 'til we get home for a change. No biggie.

Cocky New Mom Mistake #3:
Getting so caught up in my own unfortunate weekend that I forget that Bella has, in fact, not pooped in two days.

You can already see where this is going, I know, but I assure you, it's much worse than you think.

The StrollerFit class goes of without a hitch and we make it to the discussion part of the class, where all the moms sit down and talk about something related to parenting. This is also where the moms size each other up a little, check out each others' babies, strollers, parenting skills, etc. I try not to fall into this trap, but let's face it, it's hard. We all want to be good at this very important job, we all want to look as though we are doing good by our babes and ourselves at the same time.

Today's discussion? The division of labour at home. Who does what around the house, who has help from their husbands, why you should make lists of chores and assign each one to you or him... blah blah blah...

It's my turn to share.

Cocky New Mom Mistake #4:
I tell the group that I am not only a bit obsessive compulsive about the state of my home (true) but I am also exceptionally organized and on-top things (false), thus making it possible to pretty much do it all (INCREDIBLY FALSE).

Immediately after spewing these unbelievable lies, the first few proverbial raindrops begin to fall. Bella starts to fuss a little in her stroller. I decide to take her out so she can sit at the picnic table with the rest of us and everyone can admire this beautiful, perfect baby that I am raising with skill and ease. I lift her out and place her on my hip before I feel the hot, wet, dripping mess on her back.

Oh no.

I turn her around to look at the same time that all the moms in the group notice. There is an audible gasp among us all. Bella is covered. I mean covered. From neck to ankles. In poop. It's oozing out of the back of her cute little jeans and dripping down her legs. It has smeared all over the inside of the stroller. It is now all over my hand, arm and the white t-shirt that I am wearing because, sensibly, I thought it best not to wear a tank top and expose my burnt flesh to the sun.

I have not a wipe, not a diaper, not a thing that can help me in this situation.

Thank God for the other moms in the class who quickly came to my aid, and who did so without laughing, judging or call me out for the complete and utter ass that I am. They set up a change station and offered up wipes, diapers, one lovely mom even lent me her spare onsie so I didn't have to walk home with a naked baby.

Cocky New Mom Lesson Learned #1:
Don't ever underestimate the kinship among other mothers. If you think that they are in competition with you on some level, smarten up you idiot. Other moms get it and will always come to your aid in moments of crisis.

I heart moms.

But the embarrassment doesn't quite end here.

Cocky New Mom Mistake #5:
Bella has been eating a lot lately. Back up to 7 or 8 feedings a day for some reason. As a result, my boobs have not been very full and I have not been very leaky. I decided it was OK to leave the house without my pads.

And now, the combination of vigorous exercise, heat, crying babies and overwhelming mortification is causing my boobs to not leak - spray - milk everywhere. It has soaked through my bra and t-shirt and it is running down my belly.

And so there it is. The rainstorm. My shirt is covered in poop and milk. My baby is sitting in a onsie borrowed from a stranger, already re-covered in shit because of what is left over in her stroller. And as if to add insult to injury, while I attempt to gather my last shred of dignity and finish my discussion with the other moms, a seagull flies over us and craps on my daughter's chubby thigh. As I wipe it away with my already disgusting t-shirt, it dawns on me:

When it rains, it pours. And I have been caught without my umbrella. It is a cocky new mom mistake that I will not be making again any time soon.

Happy Birthday To You: 4 Months Old

On Friday The Chicken turned four months old. I realize now that every month I'm going to want to say that I absolutely can not believe that it's been another month already, so from now on we'll just assume that to be true, suffice? I think it's also safe to assume that every month I'm going to want to say that the past month has been the best one yet. Let's from now on assume that one, too.

Month four brought with it many milestones, all of them significant and fascinating in their own way. Things like holding her head up, sitting up straight with a little bit of support, smiling when asked to (most of the time). My favourite by far this month, though? Laughing. Oh that wonderful, sparkling laugh. It remains elusive, she won't give it up easily, but when she does? WHEN SHE DOES? Well, words can not describe... please see the video at the end of the post for proof.

This month "Chicken" became "Chubby" almost exclusively. I think it started because I'd call her "Chubby Chicken" and then as tends to happen with nicknames, we dropped the "Chicken" all together. So for the time being, "Chubby" it is. Sometimes it's simply "The Chubb." I realize that we'll have to cancel that name before too long, last thing we need to do is give the poor kid a complex. Fact is, she's not really all that chubby at all. 14lbs at her four month check up and 24.5" long. As my doctor put it, "She's perfectly average. Just like you." I guess I'll take that as a compliment?

Not all of her developments have been all that positive this month. One of the biggest challenges we are are facing right now is her tendency to "make strange" with just about everyone except me. That even includes, on occasion, her father, although thankfully she seems to be getting over that one.

My child is not one for crowds. She's not into being cuddled by strangers and she's not easily won over by silly baby talk. If you are not 100% cool and confident around her, she'll call you on it. And she'll call you on it loudly. Get in her face? It's over for you. Touch her when she hasn't invited it? Forget about it. She has even 180'd on me -- the lovely baby who never wanted me to put her down suddenly prefers to be left alone on her playmat, in her crib or in her chair. Holding her for too long is inviting her wrath, unless she is eating or tired.

Speaking of tired, The Chubb is not much of a napper. She sleeps pretty well at night, but daytime naps are few and far between. I've started putting her down in her crib for naps this month and though she is very happy in there and will usually drift off on her own, she almost never sleeps for more than half an hour unless we are out walking. She has maybe three 20 - 30 minute naps a day. In case you don't have children, let me tell you something, this is not enough time to do ANYTHING. You make a lot of compromises if you have a baby who doesn't nap. For example, I can decide to either empty the dishwasher or take a shower. Start a load of laundry or tidy up the bedroom. Eat lunch or check my email. You can't do it all and this month I have finally given up trying.

But enough about her. Here's what's up with me. I'm trying, as hard as I can, to get back into some kind of shape. I'm not going to lie, my body is fucked. I am still 20lbs heavier than I was pre-baby and it does not seem to be budging despite my best efforts at the gym. My boobs make up for at least 5lbs on their own, not much I can do about that, but who ever said that nursing "makes the pounds melt away" is a dirty, dirty liar and I hope that karma gives them a saggy ass and a spare tire.

I'm working out about three days a week, plus I've started my riding lessons again. SO glad to be back in the saddle, and it's even more exciting now that I'm riding with my lovely friend (and now boss!) CG. Good times. And just today I started a StrollerFit class in my local downtown park. This is so ripe for jokes that it deserves a post all onto itself. I'll take some pictures next week and give you all a laugh.

Speaking of laughing, as promised, enjoy:

I Can See Clearly Now

Last year on Mother's Day I thought about her. I thought about her as I had every Mother's Day for several years. One day, I thought, I will not just be celebrating, I will be celebrated. I'll be the one getting cards and flowers and delicious boxes of chocolate. I thought about it in a hypothetical, one-day-in-the-future kind of way. I had no idea that it would happen the very next year. That in a matter of days my baby would be a secret buried deep inside my body.

To say that Anabella wasn't planned wouldn't be exactly true, because although she wasn't planned at that moment, she was always a plan in my mind. Sure, I thought she'd be a boy and I thought our lives would be a little different when she arrived. I pictured a house with a backyard and discussion with my husband that went something like, "It's time now. We're ready. Let's make one." Heh.

But since the first day that I discovered our secret, that I learned our tiny new person was on her way, I have said and still say that the best things in life are not planned. Nothing is more beautiful, more exciting, more memorable than a true surprise. And a true surprise she was.

Last year on Mother's Day I still believed that the cards and the flowers and the chocolates were the best part. I pictured brunch in bed or a sunny lunch on a patio with the family. I had visions of homemade gifts crafted with macaroni noodles and glitter placed proudly on the fridge and a large bouquet of mixed spring flowers picked up last minute by a doting husband and dedicated father.

How could I possibly understand that the best part of my first Mother's Day would be staring at my chubby baby girl while she lay on her change table covered in poop and grinning at me with her flashing blue eyes and bubbling laugh? How could I have ever imagined that giving her a bath in the middle of the day and watching her eyes widen as a stray splash landed on her nose would be all it took to make this the happiest day imaginable?

I have always understood the importance of Mother's Day from my own point of view, as a daughter. My mother is amazing and deserves a day to be celebrated for all that she has done, and still does, for my sister and I. But I never understood the importance of Mother's Day from the point of view of a Mother until now. So at the risk of sounding trite or cliche, I have to say that being a Mother to my baby girl is an absolute privilege. Being Anabella's mom is an honour worth celebrating.

I did get to sleep in on my first Mother's Day and I did receive a wonderful gift from my doting husband and Bella's dedicated father. But really the only thing that mattered on this special day had not much to do with me at all. It's all about her. It's all about this little girl that I imagined and dreamed about for so many years. My daughter, my heart. Because she makes every day worthy of brunch in bed.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all amazing moms that I love. And thank you for all that you do and all that you have done. I get it now. I really get it.