Since You've Been Gone

Yeah, okay, it's me whose been gone. This song title crap I've gotten myself into means I need to take a little poetic license now and then. Bare with me.

Bella and I just returned from two weeks at the cottage. While we were gone my baby turned five months old. I do not think that it's over-dramatizing things by saying that these past two weeks have been like a dream come true for me. For many years now I have longed for the summer that I am living right now. At home with my beautiful baby, all the time in the world to make the most of hot lazy days. And these past two weeks did not disappoint. It was the perfect blend of family time, visits with friends and alone time for me and Bella.

I think that my daughter and I learned a lot about each other these past couple weeks. Without the distractions of city life and daily household chores. Without the hurried evenings of trying to juggle the gym, dinner, phone calls, visits from people, etc., Bella and I were able to just be. Just be together. It was precious and I did not take a single moment of it for granted.

You see, this past month my sweet babe has really discovered her independence. She has started to push me away just a little bit instead of always snuggling in close. Her feedings have become a little more of a struggle, as she now realizes that there is more to the world than just Mommy. Instead of simply settling in and only having eyes for me as she eats, she cranes her head around at random voices and sounds. She loses patience and pulls away from me as if to say, "I'm hungry, yes, but this whole 'facing in' business is really becoming a drag."

Rather than wanting to be in my arms at all times, she often prefers to be left alone. Even at bedtime. She strains and writhes in my arms, fussing and crying until I give in and lay her down alone, with only her blankie and her Blabla, her new security items, which have replaced my own arms and heartbeat as her favourite way to be soothed.

While I know that this independence is something to be very proud of, it means that my daughter is secure and well adjusted and that her father and I are doing a good job, I can't help but let it tear away at my heartstrings. It is just going by so fast and, as Crown said to me last night, "Before you know it she'll be off to college." Gulp.

Another sign of her new-found independence (or maybe I should say mine?) is that since we returned to the city Bella has been sleeping in her own room. I know that for many people, five months is rather late to make this transition, but for me it's come up much too fast. I know that she has been ready for some time now and that it's me who wasn't ready. And you know what? I'm still not. But I do think that it's the right decision and she has taken to it like nobody's business. Sunday was the first night since the day she was born that I slept in a room without her. It was hard and I hated it but at the same time I am just so proud of my little person.

There are a million other "firsts" that have happened this past month, below are some photos to hold you over until I get around to posting her "five month" photo and update:

The art of toe sucking:


The art of sun-bathing:


The art of sharing a narrow lounger with another squirming infant (in this case, her BFF Livvie):


And last but not least, her very first swim (yes, I was a little more into it than she was):