Finally

The day arrived.

These lights are totally harshing my mellow.

I'm stewing and brewing up the full birth story, mostly written from the insane-person notes I took on my iPhone in the hospital that day. I'm still trying to piece together the times and events from the jumble of madness in my head. I'll be honest, every second of it melted away the instant I looked up from the mess between my legs, took a deep long breath and felt the shaking that had consumed me slow down and then stop, just in time for my husband hand me this:

Happy Birthday to me, and Birth Day to her.

It's a girl. Her name is Everley Read.

For Ever.

That's how long I've been waiting for her. And now she's here. And she's fucking spectacular. And we are complete.

Welcome to the gun show.

Happy one-week birthday baby sister.

This place is a'ight after all.

Love Mommy

PS: Top 40 (before 40): #1 - Expand my family - Check!

Tiny Dancer: The Bonus Footage

Bella loves her Saturday morning dance class, but her favourite part of the ritual by far doesn't happen until her class ends. She bursts from the studio, flushed and smiling, proudly showing me the stickers she's earned, then takes off at a run to the end of the hall where a ladies aerobics class is just getting underway. She stands just back from the doorway and stares with eyes wide, mouth agape, at the women as they grapevine and high-kick themselves into shape. And she's totally and utterly riveted. Before long she's moving and shaking right along with the work-outs. And. It's. The. Cutest. Thing. Ever. FACT.

This is a video I caught during the first time she ever watched the class, she'd never seen aerobics before so she was mesmerized by the music and movement. She's gotten quite good at the moves now so me thinks an updated version is in order. Karen Kain she may not be, but Jane Fonda? I think perhaps yes.

Tiny Dancer

Top 40 (before 40): #18 - Put Bella in Ballet classes (to see if she likes it) - Check!

   

Giving me a giddy grin just before her first ever class. 

It was March when I enrolled Bella in her first dance class. Creative Movement and Dance is run through the City of Toronto and it's a precursor to Beginner Ballet which, at our community center, doesn't accept kids under 4 years old.

 

Feeling special after surviving her first class.

I decided to go with city classes for her first time because I was skeptical that she would even participate given how shy she can be and I was not about to drop hundreds of dollars on private dance classes if she was going to refuse to enter the studio and instead cling desperately to my legs the entire time.

  

Warming up at Nana's before class. 

To my surprise and delight my worries were unfounded and Bella left me in the hall and ran into her very first class without so much as a backwards glance. It was one of those moments I like to call happysad. She danced there all spring and then we took the summer off because the class was not offered at our center. We have just started classes up again for fall and will continue right through until spring, when if interested, she'll be eligible to start the 'real' ballet.

  

Mary McCormick Community Center dance studio - charming and full of light.

I am completely impressed with the studio, the teachers and the excitement Bella has for this class and I can't think of any reason not to continue with the city-run classes, until Bella outgrows them or decides that she's really serious about ballet or dancing. For now, this is exactly her speed and mine.

   

At her first recital. 

Bella is not the most active child. She's content to sit quietly for hours playing with her toys, books, arts and crafts. Or she'll get lost in her own head inventing worlds for her stuffed animals and dolls - taking them on a train, to the beach and now sometimes to her imaginary dance studio. She's also completely obsessed with TV. OH TV YOU ARE A BLESSING AND A CURSE. She will always ask for TV before anything else. I'm not against it and do allow her to watch when I think unwinding is called for or a lazy morning is in order but her predisposition to vegging means we have to play a big role in making sure she has other activities and pastimes available to her.

 


I am determined to maintain a Saturday morning activity that ensures we all wake up and get out of the house before the glowing box presents her with even a whisper of an option. Swimming didn't work out so well when I took her last fall, not because she didn't like it but because I didn't like it. At her age a parent needs to get in the pool and I hated going in the pool. I already KNOW how to swim, thankyouverymuch. And so we (I) chose dance.

 

Waiting for her turn.

One reason I want her to dance is because it's at once creative, cerebral and athletic, but in a non-competitive way. At least not at this stage. Though she doesn't exactly show signs of being the next Karen Kain, she's not a complete bull in a China shop either. She watches the teacher and emulates as best she can. And she absolutely shines with pride later when she shyly shows off her new moves to friends and family at home.

 Mimicking her teacher and exploding my heart into shrapnel of happiness.

The other reason I want her to dance? Because it's one of those things that I have always wished I was good at. I look at graceful, strong dancer-types and wish that I had the genetics, the training, the what-ever-it-is that allows a dancer to move with precise control and utter abandon at the same time. I never had the drive or desire to pursue it when I was young, and now I look at my daughter and think, maybe she will? Or maybe not and that's totally okay. Because for now I can sit back and simply absorb the utter joy I get from seeing every tutu, every twirl, every hokey pokey.

 

Name me a mother of a daughter who can witness this without melting.  

Top 40 (before 40): #2 - Check!

If you know me, follow me here at Beaches' Speeches, or on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr, if you work with me, or have randomly found yourself within a 50 foot radius of me in the last 3 months, then you will already know this news - we bought a house!

#2 - Check!

You will also already know that I have developed a wee bit of a social networking addiction - the worst kind - the kind where you are trying to participate in ALL of them and as a result are participating in none of them very well. Sigh. The modern day pressures.

Anyhow, my shortcomings as a digital Goddess aside, I've been busy. So busy in fact that I haven't even had a chance to post pictures of our new house here. I have a gazillion pictures and I most definitely want to record this experience - house hunting, finding, buying, selling (#3 - Check!), packing, moving, and renovating (#4 - on it's way to being Check!) - for you in writing, but the time? It is not on my side.

This experience is an emotional rollercoaster and I'm right now hanging at the very top of the highest hill, about to tumble down over the side as my guts fly up out of my nose and I don't quite know at any instant whether I should laugh or cry. That is to say, I need to some time to write it all down effectively, engagingly and with the humour and smarts that these crazy past few months deserve.

So for now, behold some photos and commentary on the house we bought, and the home we hope it will soon become:

Here's the entranceway. It's getting completely redone OBVS, but what I'd like to point out here is the paint colour. What is that? Flesh? Yes, best described as flesh. The entire house is painted in it.

Living room. So much going on here that I don't know where to start. Oh! I know, let's start with the sexy-time photo the previous owners had above the (non-functioning) fireplace. Hot. Stuff.

Kitchen #1. There are three in this house. This one is "new". We will be living with it because we can't afford to take a sledgehammer to it as it deserves. Photo doesn't do it justice but trust me when I tell you that both the countertops and those curtains are purple.

Majestic double arches. These bitches are coming down.

Hardwood or vinyl runner? I know, it's so hard to tell. The trickiness!

The basement looks pretty great in this shot. What you can't see is that the door there on the right? Yeah, about four feet high. A basement for hobbits.

And what's behind that hobbit door? This lovely square bathroom suite, complete with bidet. That bad boy has washed a lot of asses. (Full disclosure, I've used this joke about 100 times, but it continues to crack me up.)

This is a strange little room off the kitchen that leads out to the backyard. Again, it looks cute in this shot, but what you can't see is that it's not heated and that door - yep, also about 4 feet high.

So that's a tiny sneak peak. We're in the middle of some serious renos right now so you can expect to see our transformation as it happens. As funny as we think the house was when we bought it, we love it and really, all I see when I look at it now is potential, potential, potential. Stay tuned...

And as a bonus, gotta post this little dude; he had a prime spot in the previous owners' dining room. He was so jolly and at home among the Jesus portraits and the ceiling fans. I wish I'd had him included in the sale:

I'm Still Standing

Hi. Have you missed me? I've been a little busy. HAHAHAAAA. Understatement of the century.

But I have not given up on this blog. And I still fully intend to honour #23. Its just, well, the thing of it is OMG I CAN'T DO IT ALL.

Apparently though, I can do a lot. Here's a quick run down of why I've been M.I.A.:

• We bought a house (#2, CHECK! Full post on this, with hilarious pictures to come)
• We packed up and moved out of our condo in order to sell it. We've been living at my parents' house now for close to five weeks (#3, to be checked off very soon I hope, will keep you posted)
• Work has been insane with the build up towards the full redesign of my website (#5, in the works!)
• Still taking my Interior Design class at Ryerson, which has included several Sundays devoted to a massive group project. Am going to post pictures of the crazy model we had to build as soon as I can find a few minutes to upload photos
• Christmas shopping
• Christmas parties and lunches (yes, already)
• Crown's mom was in town, so there was much evening visiting to be done
• Oh yeah, parenting a beautiful but, ehm, explosive toddler
• Throw in some incidentals like swimming lessons, real estate agent meetings and sleep

Add all those items up and I am left with something akin to NO TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL.

So bear with me. There is excitement afoot, I promise. And as soon as I have a minute or two to sit my ass down at the computer, I will share this excitement with you in a witty and engaging manner. Plus, I'm still finding time for the odd post of something pretty over at Beaches' Bites.

For now, proof that we still bring the cuteness, out and about in our temporary 'hood:

Top 40 (before 40): #7 - Check!

On Oct. 9 Bella had her first official swimming lesson. Or perhaps I should say Bella and I had her first official swimming lesson, because this swimming lessons business? Team effort. We've since been in the pool together three times (missed one week because we were out of town for Thanksgiving) and I feel like three weeks' worth of Saturday morning at 10am swimming lessons constitutes a check! on item #7 from my Top 40 (before 40) list: enroll Bella in swimming lessons. YES! One down.


Being in the pool with Bella for her lessons is both extremely entertaining and incredibly frustrating. Entertaining because when she's in a good mood and being the star pupil that I really want her to be it is SO fun. Watching her show off for her teacher and get a little competitive with the other toddlers is a trip for me, since I have always been a totally annoying school nerd that way and being an over-achiever is in my blood and so it must be in her blood too, right? Okay maybe not so much, yet to be determined.


However, when she decides that she'd rather play with "THE DORA BALL, I WANT THE DORA BALL, LET ME GO TO THE DORA BALL", and refuses to listen to the teacher at all or follow any instructions what-so-ever, it makes me die a little inside. And toddlers get tired of listening to instructions after about 10 minutes, max. We have a half hour lesson each week so you do the math. 10 minutes of really fun brown-nosing and showing off, 20 minutes of me begging her to listen and cooperate (while sweating and doing all the lessons myself in an embarrassing attempt to make up for her lack of scholarly obedience).

Pretty sure the other parents are getting mighty tired of hearing me say, "Watch Mommy! Mommy can float like a star fish! Can YOU float like a starfish? Come on! It's fun! Float like a starfish no you can't have the Dora ball float like a starfish float like a starfish!" But whatevs, I am totally kicking those other toddlers' asses at the starfish float and that's worth my $35 bucks right there.


Seriously though, three weeks in and I'm learning to relax and enjoy the one-on-one time with my adorable sometimes starfish floater sometimes Dora ball chaser. One day all too soon she won't need me in the pool with her anymore and I'll profoundly miss her slippery little hands around my neck, and her shivery little body pressed up to mine as we bounce and float and learn together.

Top 40 (before 40)

This week I turned 35 years old. THIRTY FIVE YEARS OLD. As in, I have now been alive for exactly three and a half DECADES.

I'm not normally a proponent of New Year's Resolutions or life-lists or anything that basically just sets you up for certain failure, but I think I can safely say that there were a number of things kicking around in my brain that I really thought I'd have done by the time I reached 35. Not going to get into specifics on what those things are, they are pretty typical and I'm sure that you could easily use your imagination and come up with what a good chuck of them might be.

OR you could do this instead: read the list below.

Inspired by this list, written by one of my favourite bloggers of the moment Nicole Balch over at Making It Lovely, I've decided to risk the obvious set up for failure and make my own list. I'm actually surprised I haven't done this sooner because God knows I'm a list-maker. I normally practice listing on a more micro level, like sticking a, "TO DO THIS WEEKEND" list to the fridge every Saturday morning (my husband loves these lists). They rarely get accomplished and I end up peeling them off on Monday morning with dejection and tossing them in the trash with a sigh (my husband loves that particular sigh).

I'm confident that this list, because it's got goals much larger and closer to my heart than "Mr. Clean Erase the scuff marks in hallway," will be more fun to follow. I mean really? Who doesn't love checking off items on a list? What's that? You don't? YOU LIE.

I'm (ahem) slightly longer in the tooth than the lovely Mrs. Balch, so I'm giving myself a longer list, but also a much longer chunk of time to achieve it. I'm also giving myself an out. If for some reason I don't accomplish all 40 items before I turn 40, the remaining items can be rolled over to my Top 50 (before 50) list and so on. It's the lazy and slightly unmotivated way to list, but whatevs, I'm old, who needs the pressure?

And so, without further ado, my list:

Top 40 (before 40)

1. Expand my family. Intentionally leaving this one vague. Could mean another baby, could also mean a hamster. I have some really good names on ice so one way or another I will be using them.
2. Buy a new house. DONE!
3. Prepare my condo for sale and sell it. DONE!
   
4. Renovate and decorate the new house.
5. Relaunch my work website, hgtv.ca.
   
6. Achieve a level of work/life balance that works for my entire family. In order to do this, either Crown or I will need to change what we do for a living or how often we do it.
7. Put Bella in swimming lessons (not optional, she must learn to swim for safety). DONE!
   
8. Take my family to Disneyworld.
   
9. Go to Canada's Wonderland and ride all the rollercoasters. DONE!
   
10. Visit at least one different city each year.
11. Reinstate my monthly ladies poker club, Chicks 'n Chips.
    
12. Flawlessly canter through an entire jumps course.
13. Go to the opera.
    
14. Take Bella to see The Nutcracker.
    
15. See a Broadway show.
    
16. Host my entire extended family at our house for a major holiday.
    
17. Throw a party for all of our friends for no reason except to say thanks for having us to your place so many times while we waited to finally have the space to host you. DONE!
18. Put Bella in ballet classes (to see if she likes it). DONE!
    
19. Get beyond my more crippling body-image issues, either by fixing them or learning how to accept them.
    
20. Go on a week-long beach vacation with my family once per year to relax, recharge, reconnect.
    
21. More alone time with husband. At least twice per month.
    
22. Organize all of our family photos. This includes the massive digital library and all the thousands of hard copies. And the videos.
    
23. Write more. At least three times a week on this blog.
    
24. Get back into yoga.
    
25. Learn to sew.
    
26. Finish at least three courses in the Interior Design program at Ryerson University, and decide if it's something I want to pursue further.
27. Bake banana bread.
    
28. Buy a bike and start going on rides with my family.
    
29. Throw a proper kids birthday party at our house, complete with fun theme.
    
30. Take Bella to the AGO, CN Tower and the ROM (be tourists in our own city).
    
31. Put Bella in horseback riding lessons (to see if she likes it).
32. Start cooking at least one dinner a week (Crown cooks them all right now).
33. Visit my in-laws in Greece.
    
34. Go to Paris (separating this out from one city/year because it's a BIG one).
    
35. Go away on a long weekend escape with my girlfriends (no babies, no boys).
36. Go on a romantic weekend away with Crown once per year.
    
37. See the changing leaves in Algonquin Park in the fall.
    
38. Go camping. In a tent. At least once (no repeats necessary).
39. Buy more vintage.
    
40. *Pick a cause and support it financially and by volunteering my time.
    

*I have supported The United Way since I began working and will continue to do so. I always donate to the Canadian Red Cross when there is an international disaster, but realize that there is always a need for more ongoing support. I need to commit to a cause I can support in a way that makes a tangible difference and in a way that can show my daughter how lucky we are and how important it is to give back. I have spent many hours considering what this cause will be: starving children? homelessness? animal cruelty? the environment? women's education in development countries? aids prevention in Africa? I always become so overwhelmed and emotionally drained at the enormity of need that I end up doing nothing at all. This must change. I will find my cause and you should know that I may be coming after you to help me.