All Is Quiet on New Year's Day

Let me tell you something. It was quiet on New Year's Day this year... and for about three days after that. Mostly because I was so hung over that noise of any kind was considerably painful to bear. That might be an exaggeration, but not much of one. So, I'm sorry for being such a shitty blogger, but here's the thing, my 2007 has definitely not started out the way most of us resolve to kick off a fresh New Year.

For starters, this year, I didn't make any resolutions.

Well, okay, that's not exactly true, I did make one. It goes like this:

"This year I resolve not make any resolutions because I am tired of setting myself up for the bitter disappointment that comes with the inevitable failure of not sticking to the bloody things."

And it's a good thing too! I've already failed at all the "usual" resolutions anyway. Smoking, drinking, illicit substances, fast-food, swearing, gossiping, slothenliness... 12 days in and I've done'em all. Some of them I failed mere hours into our brand-new year. 2007 definitely will not be the year that I take the moral high-ground and/or clean living road into personal improvementville.

Of course there's always the classic, "lose 10 lbs" resolution. Nah, fuck it. While I am smack in the middle of my New Year's starvation cleanse (no sugar, no fruit, no carbs, no booze, no fun), I didn't actually start it until last weekend and I'm already doing a half-assed job, having indulged in an illegal bagel and two stiff vodka sodas. I also don't have a weight goal and haven't been on the scale in months, so while I'm pretty sure I've drained at least a few litres of bloat out of the ol' system already, I don't have any great expectations on the weight control front.

I think last year I promised to "make more of an effort to spend quality time with close friends." Bah. Failure. Too subjective anyway. I mean what exactly does "more quality time" mean? Busy lives, full time jobs, kids, husbands, really good TV shows, all of it gets in the bloody way.

OH on that note! I do have incredibly exciting news to help kick off the year! Dings! Is! Moving! Home! Home, as in packing up and jetting the fickity fack out of Vancouver and planting her ass and her family firmly back in the TDot's Wessssside. Hallelujah and Praise the Lord.

Ooooo... speaking of the Lord... I saw the scariest movie EVER this week. Have any of you heard of the documentary, Jesus Camp? Don't think it's available on DVD yet but Dudes? That shit is next-level freaky. I'm almost scared to say too much about it in this public forum because I am so terrified of the Evengelical Christian's featured in the film, and let's keep in mind that most of them are only like eight-years old. There are something like 80 MILLION of them in the US alone so it's not that far fetched to think that just one might read this and find me and brainwash me and before you know it I'll be taping plastic fetuses to my hands, rocking back and forth with tears streaming down my face and screaming at the devil in tongues. That being said, Jesus Camp? Looks like a pretty rad way to spend a summer. Check. It. Out.

Yeah, pretty safe to say I will not be "born again" this year. While the Evangelical's are rocking out to fun family hiphop tunes like, "J.C. Is In Da House," I'm going to stick to my own sinful music preferences and continue dancing not just for Jesus but purely for the pleasures of the flesh.

OH, and I won't be turning to prayer to help me through my latest work crisis either.

I know, I know, I shouldn't break my own steadfast rule and talk about my job on the Internet, but I will say that just when I had finally made peace with my job and started to really, really enjoy it again. Just as I was able to wake up in the morning and not feel like I was heading out into the depths of the bleakest coal mine to shovel rocks and develop the black lung, just as everything was feeling right, and dare I say fun, again... The Company for Which I Work went and fucked it all up. You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true...

If you keep up with Canadian business news (and really, why would you?) you will have heard about a major shake up that happened this week in the Canadian media landscape. Well, let's suffice it to say that my job is affected by that shake up. I don't know exactly how yet, and it will take considerable time before I find out for sure, but I think it's a fairly safe assumption that I could be in line for some extended vacation time in 2007.

I'm not even worried about getting canned, that would almost be the easy part, what I am worried about is watching my work environment disintegrate yet again into a big mess of embittered, neurotic employees and fascist, desperate management. Been there, done that, didn't kill me, made me stronger. CAN NOT go through it again.

Anyway, there you have it. Brand-new year, same old crusty Beaches. There is something to be said for consistency, no?