Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Stop! In the Name of Love

Hi people. Can we have a quick chat? About these:


These first came to my attention through a series of posts by, who else? Dooce, as she has been staging a public revolt against her husband and his very own cheery, lemon yellow pair.

Suddenly, however, I'm noticing that this particular brand of footware is spreading like SARS through the once hip, happening streets of Toronto. I'm serious, I think this footware might be airborn and am considering wearing a mask. The Beach should be bloody quarantined, but I almost expect to see them there. But Queen West? For sale in EVERY store? No. No no. People? No.

Now, while my own husband-to-be would sooner amputate his own feet at the ankles with a dull pen knife than put these atrocities on his feet, my opinion of them is somewhat softer. I would definitely require a very sharp pen knife.

I have tried these "shoes" on recently. Out of curiousity. And I'll give you this, they are comfortable. They are acceptable for gardeners to wear, in the comfort of their own private gardens. For cottagers and early morning strolls along a secluded, misty beach. For dog walkers who need to run outside in a torrential down pour to let the pup take a pee. Possibly, maybe even as indoor slippers but only when you do not have any guests.

But please listen to me. These "shoes" are not acceptable for the streets of Toronto. No, no. It doesn't matter that they come in trendy, fun colours like teal and orange sorbet and hot pink. The colour is not hiding the fact that these are hideous. The colour is amplifying the fact that these are hideous.

I'm no fashion expert. I don't talk about fashion here very often because what the fuck do I know? If I know one thing, my friends, it's this. These "shoes" are a fashion crime to the Nth degree. You should receive a life sentance in fashion-prison for even thinking about wearing these "shoes" in public. I actually feel sick with embarrasment for those unsuspecting criminals that I see wandering the streets cluelessly in alarming numbers, comfortable feet and all.

Friends? Stop! In the name of love.

5 comments:

scarbie doll said...

I fucking hate Crocs! They are gross. They are not fashion footwear. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Where's Meryl when we need her?

"That's all."

Ali said...

i'm on the croc hate train as well.
can't stand them.
they belong in very few places:
a) on doctors in the OR
b) on fishermen
c) on gardeners

that's about it.
my 5-year-old has been begging for them so i told her to call my mother because there was NO way i was paying $ for them.

tomama said...

Winging in from Scarbie's pad because I need to hear your RJ story. I wear a pair of fake crocs (mock crocs, really) in the yard. They are so comfortable that I'd like to wear them everywhere but now I will reconsider. Thanks for calling me on that before Stacy and Clinton had to intervene.

TransientTales said...

dude, just back from camping on the west of all west coasts and um...yeah..they are plentiful where we come from and um...yeah...SO ASS!!!!!!!!!! especially in magenta! I absolutely refuse to embrace this trend. MORE SO then the rejuvenation of the birkenstock trend I'm afraid to admit we briefly flirted with while in our "selling shoes for dope money" phase. heh. ok fine it was actually for tuition...dope money sounded funnier. heh. still have those birks by the way. embarassed.

hip_ragdoll said...

It's even worse than we thought: there were gardening clogs in NYC.

IN NYC people.

It must stop. They are hideous. Hid-e-ous.