Hi people. Can we have a quick chat? About these:
These first came to my attention through a series of posts by, who else? Dooce, as she has been staging a public revolt against her husband and his very own cheery, lemon yellow pair.
Suddenly, however, I'm noticing that this particular brand of footware is spreading like SARS through the once hip, happening streets of Toronto. I'm serious, I think this footware might be airborn and am considering wearing a mask. The Beach should be bloody quarantined, but I almost expect to see them there. But Queen West? For sale in EVERY store? No. No no. People? No.
Now, while my own husband-to-be would sooner amputate his own feet at the ankles with a dull pen knife than put these atrocities on his feet, my opinion of them is somewhat softer. I would definitely require a very sharp pen knife.
I have tried these "shoes" on recently. Out of curiousity. And I'll give you this, they are comfortable. They are acceptable for gardeners to wear, in the comfort of their own private gardens. For cottagers and early morning strolls along a secluded, misty beach. For dog walkers who need to run outside in a torrential down pour to let the pup take a pee. Possibly, maybe even as indoor slippers but only when you do not have any guests.
But please listen to me. These "shoes" are not acceptable for the streets of Toronto. No, no. It doesn't matter that they come in trendy, fun colours like teal and orange sorbet and hot pink. The colour is not hiding the fact that these are hideous. The colour is amplifying the fact that these are hideous.
I'm no fashion expert. I don't talk about fashion here very often because what the fuck do I know? If I know one thing, my friends, it's this. These "shoes" are a fashion crime to the Nth degree. You should receive a life sentance in fashion-prison for even thinking about wearing these "shoes" in public. I actually feel sick with embarrasment for those unsuspecting criminals that I see wandering the streets cluelessly in alarming numbers, comfortable feet and all.
Friends? Stop! In the name of love.