In what can only be considered a bizarre form of karmic punishment for an apparently horrific evil I performed in a past life, our fire-alarm system is on the fritz.
That’s right. I, deathly afraid of fire and fire alarms, am currently living in a home where the fire alarm goes off ALL THE TIME for no apparent reason. And yesterday it happened ALL NIGHT LONG. Beginning at about 6pm and not ending until approximately 5:30am, when Crown, finally at his wit’s end (mine ended somewhere around, oh, when the FIRST ALARM sounded) ripped the bloody thing out of the ceiling.
We’re assuming that there is some kind of electrical malfunction at the heart of this issue, rather than assuming that we’re living with some sort of noxious gas that is tasteless, odorless, yet deadly. But those of you who have read this blog before, or who know me at all, probably understand that while my brain says electrical malfunction, my body is strongly in favour of the noxious gas option.
Which means that my body didn’t sleep last night at all. Which means I’m extremely tired. Which is why I’m explaining things that don’t need to be explained to people who aren’t as tired as I am. Sorry.
Suffice it to say, somewhere around 3am I was silently lying in bed, heart pounding, palms sweating, clutching the snoring dog to my chest, waiting for the horrible drill to sound again and praying that our deaths would be swift and painless.
By 4:30am; however, I was just all, “Let this motherfucker burn to the ground already. Bring it! I want to feel the sting.”
Obviously we survived the night. But now I’m entirely terrified to be alone in my own home and have seriously entertained the option of sleeping on a bench outside in the courtyard. Good thing this didn’t happen in February.
I must have burned and pillaged some serious villages in the 1800s or something. I mean honestly.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Now, ya’ll gotta know I love Cyndi, and Lord knows how I loved this song when it came out in 1983. But, I was eight. It was true then -- eight year old girls did just want to have fun in 1983.
But now? Sorry Cyndi, but I have to disagree. These days girls may want to have some fun, yes, but not just fun. These days girls of all ages, want to have a whole lot of things that are preventing them from having much fun at all.
They want to have skinny thighs.
They want to have designer jeans.
They want to have perky boobs.
They want to have the “it” bag.
They want to have perfect hair.
They want to have boyfriends.
They want to have flawless skin.
They want to have sex.
They want to have a BFF.
They want to have protection.
They want to have no more cellulite.
They want to have great careers.
They want to have smarts.
They want to have muscles, but not too many muscles.
They want to have respect.
They want to have popularity.
They want to have celebrity status.
They want to have diamonds.
They want to have freedom.
They want to have cars.
They want to have husbands.
They want to have long legs.
They want to have equality.
They want to have plastic surgery.
They want to have clean closets.
They want to have clean floors.
They want to have a clean slate.
They want to have babies.
They want to have perfect bodies after having babies.
They want to have their MTV.
They want to have well-adjusted families.
They want to have time for themselves.
They want to have a voice.
They want to have role models, but they don’t have much choice these days, do they?
The messages for girls are invasive, all encompassing and everywhere. They tell us, from an increasingly young age, that we should not only want all these things, but that if we don’t have them, we are not good enough, that we are failing at simply being girls and women.
We should be working harder, we should be reading more, we should smile a lot, we should buy expensive skin cream, and we should wear very high heels. We should run, but not too much because we’ll get thin, but bulky. We should take pilates and yoga, to balance that out. We should be nice to boys and skeptical of girls. We should cook and clean and work and raise the kids and stay in shape and look after our parents and look after our skin and blow our hair straight every day. Then, after all these things, we should have fun, damn it. Because isn’t that just what girl’s want?
It’s time to end the cycle of manipulation and self-deprivation that is infiltrating our little girls and creating damaged teenagers and scarred women. Perhaps we can’t bring down the media machine that perpetuates these damaging messages for their own profit and gain. But we can put a stop to it in our own homes and in our own minds. The cycle can stop with you. No more out loud comments about how fat you look. Your children are listening. Every time a negative, self-depreciating comments wants to come out of your mouth, I challenge you to say something positive about yourself instead. Your children are listening to that, too.
Eight-year-old girls should just want to have fun. That is what will allow them to reach eighty years with a strong sense of self-worth, self-value and inner strength. Let’s help them get there.
But now? Sorry Cyndi, but I have to disagree. These days girls may want to have some fun, yes, but not just fun. These days girls of all ages, want to have a whole lot of things that are preventing them from having much fun at all.
They want to have skinny thighs.
They want to have designer jeans.
They want to have perky boobs.
They want to have the “it” bag.
They want to have perfect hair.
They want to have boyfriends.
They want to have flawless skin.
They want to have sex.
They want to have a BFF.
They want to have protection.
They want to have no more cellulite.
They want to have great careers.
They want to have smarts.
They want to have muscles, but not too many muscles.
They want to have respect.
They want to have popularity.
They want to have celebrity status.
They want to have diamonds.
They want to have freedom.
They want to have cars.
They want to have husbands.
They want to have long legs.
They want to have equality.
They want to have plastic surgery.
They want to have clean closets.
They want to have clean floors.
They want to have a clean slate.
They want to have babies.
They want to have perfect bodies after having babies.
They want to have their MTV.
They want to have well-adjusted families.
They want to have time for themselves.
They want to have a voice.
They want to have role models, but they don’t have much choice these days, do they?
The messages for girls are invasive, all encompassing and everywhere. They tell us, from an increasingly young age, that we should not only want all these things, but that if we don’t have them, we are not good enough, that we are failing at simply being girls and women.
We should be working harder, we should be reading more, we should smile a lot, we should buy expensive skin cream, and we should wear very high heels. We should run, but not too much because we’ll get thin, but bulky. We should take pilates and yoga, to balance that out. We should be nice to boys and skeptical of girls. We should cook and clean and work and raise the kids and stay in shape and look after our parents and look after our skin and blow our hair straight every day. Then, after all these things, we should have fun, damn it. Because isn’t that just what girl’s want?
It’s time to end the cycle of manipulation and self-deprivation that is infiltrating our little girls and creating damaged teenagers and scarred women. Perhaps we can’t bring down the media machine that perpetuates these damaging messages for their own profit and gain. But we can put a stop to it in our own homes and in our own minds. The cycle can stop with you. No more out loud comments about how fat you look. Your children are listening. Every time a negative, self-depreciating comments wants to come out of your mouth, I challenge you to say something positive about yourself instead. Your children are listening to that, too.
Eight-year-old girls should just want to have fun. That is what will allow them to reach eighty years with a strong sense of self-worth, self-value and inner strength. Let’s help them get there.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Hey Mister DJ, Put a Record On...
I haven’t written about my iPod troubles here yet, because quite frankly, they are boring. Long story short, my iPod Mini died. We had to send it back to Apple. After a few hassles and some red-tape (and $100) they sent me a brand-new one. Brand-new meaning all my songs are gone. Bye-bye songs.
At first I thought this was a pain in the ass, but I’ve learned to be happy about it, because quite frankly the old mix was getting stale. Comfortable but stale. Change is good.
But I am lazy. SO lazy. I spent some time thinking about what to put on it and searching for songs and adding songs and I’ve managed to put about 150 tracks back on, but I’ve now I’ve lost my energy for it. This morning I found myself wishing that I could just pick a few random people and pass over my iPod and say, “Put stuff on it now, please.”
So. Why not do just that? Thus, I give you Project Playlist.
Here’s how it works. You send me a list of 10 songs (you can just put them in comments) that you really like right now. I’ll make them into a Playlist on my iPod under your name. Fun!
Now, please don’t feel pressure to be cool about it. Anybody who knows me, knows I’m so NOT cool about music. In fact, if you send a really cool list, I’ll still put it on under your name, but I’ll totally skip through the songs until I end up with one that’s just cheesy and singable enough that it allows me to forget that I’m on the subway during morning rush-hour.
Just to take the pressure off and prove how NOT COOL I really am. Here’s a sample of 10 songs that are already on my iPod. Feel free to use them on your own as your “Beaches” Playlist. If you can handle it. Which you probably can’t. It’s that bad.
FYI – these all come from two existing Playlists on my iPod called Cheddar and Pop, and these are not the most embarrassing selections that I have on there, only the most selections embarrassing that I’m willing to admit to in this public forum.
1. Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
2. Africa – Toto
3. Shake it Off – Mariah Carey
4. It’s Not Right, but It’s Okay – Whitney Houston
5. Country Grammar – Nelly
6. Because of You – Kelly Clarkson
7. Toxic – Britney Spears
8. I Ran – Flock of Seagulls
9. Milkshake – Kelis
10. Senorita – Justin Timberlake
Your turn. Let’s play Project Playlist!
At first I thought this was a pain in the ass, but I’ve learned to be happy about it, because quite frankly the old mix was getting stale. Comfortable but stale. Change is good.
But I am lazy. SO lazy. I spent some time thinking about what to put on it and searching for songs and adding songs and I’ve managed to put about 150 tracks back on, but I’ve now I’ve lost my energy for it. This morning I found myself wishing that I could just pick a few random people and pass over my iPod and say, “Put stuff on it now, please.”
So. Why not do just that? Thus, I give you Project Playlist.
Here’s how it works. You send me a list of 10 songs (you can just put them in comments) that you really like right now. I’ll make them into a Playlist on my iPod under your name. Fun!
Now, please don’t feel pressure to be cool about it. Anybody who knows me, knows I’m so NOT cool about music. In fact, if you send a really cool list, I’ll still put it on under your name, but I’ll totally skip through the songs until I end up with one that’s just cheesy and singable enough that it allows me to forget that I’m on the subway during morning rush-hour.
Just to take the pressure off and prove how NOT COOL I really am. Here’s a sample of 10 songs that are already on my iPod. Feel free to use them on your own as your “Beaches” Playlist. If you can handle it. Which you probably can’t. It’s that bad.
FYI – these all come from two existing Playlists on my iPod called Cheddar and Pop, and these are not the most embarrassing selections that I have on there, only the most selections embarrassing that I’m willing to admit to in this public forum.
1. Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
2. Africa – Toto
3. Shake it Off – Mariah Carey
4. It’s Not Right, but It’s Okay – Whitney Houston
5. Country Grammar – Nelly
6. Because of You – Kelly Clarkson
7. Toxic – Britney Spears
8. I Ran – Flock of Seagulls
9. Milkshake – Kelis
10. Senorita – Justin Timberlake
Your turn. Let’s play Project Playlist!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Who Let the Dogs Out?
The Family took a little over-nighter in Beaverton this weekend at the summer home of some good friends, Mr. and Mrs. DRock. I call it a summer home, rather than a cottage, because although it does have rustic charm and a cosy feel and is nestled on the shores of Lake Simcoe, it's hardly a cottage.
The house can sleep about 20 people if need be, and comes fully equipped with three bathrooms, a large screen TV, a pool and a hot-tub. There's also boat house and a new boat who will take her maiden voyage as soon as the lake thaws. It's a great spot and at just over an hour drive from the Big Smoke, I'm anticipating many more weekends spent up there among great company.
Admittedly, I've been a bit nervous to go up with the entire family, given that our entire family includes one furry, four-legged bundle of love and the DRock's family consists of not one, not two, but THREE furry bundles of love. THREE! I was a little concerned that finding a moment's piece amongst all the legs and fur would be a little difficult.
Luckily I was wrong. The dogs were dogs, don't get me wrong, there was much running and barking and fetching and pooping, but instead of being overwhelmed and run ragged, we all found it entirely amusing and fun to watch.
As you can imagine, it's difficult to capture four dogs on film at one time and despite my best attempts, which included holding scraps of meat above my head, I couldn't work it out. I did manage to capture a few individual shots, however, and so, I give you, the dogs.
This is Billy. She's a little shy and skittish, but I'm quite fond of her, none-the-less. Shit, we all have our issues, right?
Here we have Buddy, aka P-Woop. He rarely stops moving and is also camera shy so capturing this moment of stillness was quite a coup:
Here's Roxy, the baby of the bunch. She's a pushy little vamp, who took quite a shine to the Momes. DRock liked to tease her for "presenting" herself to him any chance she got. My take is that like any hot bitch, she's just working with what her Mama gave her:
Last but certainly not least, The Momes. He was incredibly well-behaved and I'm rightfully proud; however, we all could have done with few less glances at the "pink lipstick." It seems he took quite a shine to Miss Foxy Roxy as well:
There were only a few dog-free moments, but I relished them when I could. Like when I snuck outside at sunset to look out at the lake and thank my lucky stars for all my best friends, both two-legged and four.
The house can sleep about 20 people if need be, and comes fully equipped with three bathrooms, a large screen TV, a pool and a hot-tub. There's also boat house and a new boat who will take her maiden voyage as soon as the lake thaws. It's a great spot and at just over an hour drive from the Big Smoke, I'm anticipating many more weekends spent up there among great company.
Admittedly, I've been a bit nervous to go up with the entire family, given that our entire family includes one furry, four-legged bundle of love and the DRock's family consists of not one, not two, but THREE furry bundles of love. THREE! I was a little concerned that finding a moment's piece amongst all the legs and fur would be a little difficult.
Luckily I was wrong. The dogs were dogs, don't get me wrong, there was much running and barking and fetching and pooping, but instead of being overwhelmed and run ragged, we all found it entirely amusing and fun to watch.
As you can imagine, it's difficult to capture four dogs on film at one time and despite my best attempts, which included holding scraps of meat above my head, I couldn't work it out. I did manage to capture a few individual shots, however, and so, I give you, the dogs.
This is Billy. She's a little shy and skittish, but I'm quite fond of her, none-the-less. Shit, we all have our issues, right?
Here we have Buddy, aka P-Woop. He rarely stops moving and is also camera shy so capturing this moment of stillness was quite a coup:
Here's Roxy, the baby of the bunch. She's a pushy little vamp, who took quite a shine to the Momes. DRock liked to tease her for "presenting" herself to him any chance she got. My take is that like any hot bitch, she's just working with what her Mama gave her:
Last but certainly not least, The Momes. He was incredibly well-behaved and I'm rightfully proud; however, we all could have done with few less glances at the "pink lipstick." It seems he took quite a shine to Miss Foxy Roxy as well:
There were only a few dog-free moments, but I relished them when I could. Like when I snuck outside at sunset to look out at the lake and thank my lucky stars for all my best friends, both two-legged and four.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Smells Like Teen Spirit
I know I've promised a few people before and after shots of the hair. Chill. They are coming. Fact is, I'm a lazy bitch. 'Nuff said?
If not, then here's a hint. Hair definitely does not look like this:
Come to think of it, neither do legs.
And before all you eagle-eyed fashion police call me on the beer wear. YES. It's an oversized Molson Dry t-shirt, tucked into teal short-shorts and, YES, it was in my first string outfit rotation at the time.
And yes, I was cool.
But really the point of this post (aside from proving to everyone what a hot teen I was) is to give mad props and shout-outs to my lovely (and also not so hairy anymore) friend Bendy Girl for reaching her 30th birthday.
Jesus H. Christ. We actually made it? We?! Made it to THIRTY YEARS? We survived through all that HAIR? Incredible.
Happy Birthday Bendy. Seriously looking forward to the next thirty. Much love.
If not, then here's a hint. Hair definitely does not look like this:
Come to think of it, neither do legs.
And before all you eagle-eyed fashion police call me on the beer wear. YES. It's an oversized Molson Dry t-shirt, tucked into teal short-shorts and, YES, it was in my first string outfit rotation at the time.
And yes, I was cool.
But really the point of this post (aside from proving to everyone what a hot teen I was) is to give mad props and shout-outs to my lovely (and also not so hairy anymore) friend Bendy Girl for reaching her 30th birthday.
Jesus H. Christ. We actually made it? We?! Made it to THIRTY YEARS? We survived through all that HAIR? Incredible.
Happy Birthday Bendy. Seriously looking forward to the next thirty. Much love.
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