Thursday, August 23, 2007

Is There Anybody In There?

So the time period between "so sick that you think you might barf your fetus out through your mouth" and "feeling better but so huge that you can't help but start to complain again" is a very strange time in pregnancy. And I'm in it.

The thing that is so weird about it this - you know you are pregnant, other people know you are pregnant, but you don't always "feel" pregnant. You just kind of feel like you - but swollen.

I think the issue is this - morning sickness, as horrible as it is, at least gives you a constant (and I mean constant) physical reminder that something is happening inside of you. Early in your 2nd trimester, while you do begin to show a lot more, there's no sickness reminding you that your parasite is growing and thriving. You can't feel it moving yet, so it's almost as if there's nothing going on. In fact, you worry that maybe there ISN'T anything going on.

I've had moments of panic where I suddenly think,

"Oh my God. What if I'm not pregnant at all and I've told everybody that I am. Plus I got so fat. HOW EMBARRASSING."

It's irrational but I blame hormones.

My point is, for the last few weeks I've been impatiently waiting to feel this little chicken inside me start to move. And waiting. And waiting. And... nothing. Nothing that is until Tuesday night. Apparently my baby likes Justin Timberlake.

Okay - have your laugh. Yes, I am 31, married and pregnant and still not ashamed to admit that I went to see JT and I love every minute of it. He did in fact rock my body and I think he rocked Baby's wee body too. It could have had something to do with the bottle of Coke I drank during the show, but I got home and laid in bed and I felt something. It was something that I've never felt before. Not at all the way I've heard the first tiny movements described by others.

Not like "popcorn" or "fluttering" or "butterflies" at all. A little more like "gas bubbles" as some describe it, but not quite like that either. To me it was more of a deep, strong sensation. Nothing airy and bubbly about it. If you make a fist with one hand and roll your knuckles along the inside of your other hand... it kind of felt like that and it was happening way down low down in my abdomen.

This sensation happened on and off for about half an hour, until I finally fell asleep. I didn't think too much of it until the next day, when the same thing happened again during my spinning class. It has happened on and off since, still rather infrequently, but also unmistakeable. Something is in there, alive and kicking.

And I think he or she is pop music fan. Sorry Crown. You're about to be outnumbered. Me and this kid? We're bringing sexy back.

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