My Lovely Lady Lump: Week 21

Week 21.

Week 21 was actually last week, sorry I couldn't update, was in Cuba having the time of my life. If by having the time of my life I mean sleeping. Which I do. Yes, week 21 can be marked by mucho sleeping, eating, beaching, swimming and sunning. In other words pure and utter paradise for Beaches - where do you think the nick name comes from?

But more on Cuba in a soon-to-come post.

Weight gain in week 21 was pretty extreme. I'll give you the finally tally in my week 22 post, coming soon. Let's just leave it for now at - all you can eat buffet, every day, for seven days. Need I say more?

Milestones this week: Got caught up on sleep for first time since May. Seriously. It was the first time in five months that I actually woke up one morning and was not tired. Amazing what paradise can do for you.

Baby Girl Champagne started to try and physically break out of her warm watery habitat. I'm thinking maybe she wanted a cigar and a mojito (yeah, me too kid, guess what, sometimes life ain't fair). Her kicks and punches are now visible from the outside, if you catch them at just the right time. She's moving all the time now, several times a day, and she is very strong. She even wakes me up at night with her crazy antics. I suppose I might as well get used to it.

Here's a good kick story. Please skip ahead to photos if you are afraid of gross.

One thing I never really thought about before pregnancy was that the wee kicks and punches are not only felt on the top of your tummy. No sir. This kid kicks organs. Organs I've never really felt from the inside before. Organs like um, the bladder and bowel. You can see where this is going.

Crown and I decide to go for a leisurely stroll along the beautiful Varadero beach one afternoon. I had recently peed but let's face it, the ocean was right there in case of urgent emergency. I wasn't concerned. We walked pretty far - all the way to the end of the point, at least a couple of kms. We get to the end, take a few pictures, admire the view. Suddenly, little chicken wakes up and starts doing gymnastics. A back handspring to the bellybutton. A somersault to the gut, and then... oh! The trampoline... on my BOWEL.

I'm not sure if you can quite imagine what happens to a full bowel if a 10 inch parasite starts to do JUMPING JACKS on it but let me explain. You suddenly and urgently feel the need to shit yourself. Suddenly our romantic beach walk? NOT SO VERY ROMANTIC ANYMORE. This story ends well, my friends, but I'm not sure how. I literally thought, several times during my fast and painful walk back to the resort, that I was going to shit in my bikini right in the middle of this pristine, sunny, white sand beach. Because when a baby bounces on your bowels, you gotta go and you gotta go RIGHT NOW. You simply can't hold it in. You're squeezing one way, she's jumping the other and before too long, she is going to win.

Chalk one up for Mama this time, Kiddo. I made it to the banyos without mishap using pure self-restraint and sheer determination. It may have been our first battle of wills but it certainly will not be our last. Remember my sweet, strong, determined baby girl, your Mom? She's tougher than you.

Sorry for the gross - had to share. And now, as a reward for listening. I give you Beach Belly:


Blocking out the sun:


Displacing a good portion of the ocean:


And as a special bonus, a little family shot that I like to call, Porno Tits: